OFF BLEAK MORNINGS…

On mornings when you feel like you can’t face the world,

On mornings when you feel so shut out from this world as well as yourself,

On mornings when you can’t get up from your bed,

On mornings you cry out for your lover; but he isn’t there to respond,

On mornings when you feel like every one has forgotten about your existence,

On mornings when you wake up in a state of confusion,

On mornings when every bone in your body aches,

On mornings when you doubt your own existence…

On such mornings,

You owe it to yourself to wipe away those tears, feed off from the light and energy inside of you (because honey you are the fuxking sun!), rise up and LIVE..

ON MORNINGS AND NEW BEGINNINGS

sunrise-and-clouds1

Mornings are  special to me, especially watching the dawning of one. I think its beyond magical how dark and gloomy everywhere is from the remainder of the night, then come in the sun rising in all its beauty and glory, capturing every form of darkness left in its wake *sighs*. But mornings are even more, they are like messengers that hearald new hopes, fresh  mercies and opportunites.                                                                                                                                                                              

On my way out one particularly beautiful morning a few months back, i boarded a bus en-route Oregun (you know all those rickety rackety buses that look like they have been on the road for a 100 years*rme*) While trying to adjust to my very uncomfortable situation , I heard a voice…the voice was so distant yet so familiar(just so u know I never forget a voice, a face name it I’m that bad LOL)i was shaken by it. I struggled to locate the face of the voice, it didn’t take me to long though as I found out the person was my primary school french teacher Ms Okoafor. I was shocked! I had not seen this woman in years!!! She was one of my favourite teachers plus the fact that she taught my favourite subject made me love her even more at that time. But that wasn’t enough her personality endeared her to me and everyone else. She was(and still is) such a beautiful person in and out. I loved her hair LOL! In short I loved everything about her. She always had this way of reaching out to her students and made each of us feel individually important. She never used the “rod of correction”(alias Mr DO GOOD) through out the years she taught me(which was an added plus *grins*) There was no such thing as a dull french class, no Sir!! not on Ms Okoafor’s watch! Her energy would always engulf the atmosphere it seemed(deep right??). I saw her as a role model and wanted to be like her, and there she was  in the same vehicle with me, looking as i remembered her. Nothing had really changed except from the fact that she looked really old, but that’s good ‘cos everyone gets old right?? Now here’s the main trip, I didn’t say a word to her….ikr…..how is that possible?? I mean this was someone that played a major part in moulding me, and i had not seen her in ages. A normal, well thinking person that has a good head on her would scream and hug or do something like that…..but not me…I just sat in my corner. Somehow it seemed like my ability to talk or express any form of emotions was on some kind of hold through out the bus trip. I just sat there with this woman no further than a row ahead of me feeling like the ground should open up and swallow me, whilist heaping loads of curses on my own head. I finally highlighted at my bustop….. I felt so terrible mehn, infact terrible doesn’t cut how i felt that morning.Eventually the incident was to distabilize my whole day, because I was an emotional wreck………………..

Fast forward to two days later, on that same route, I got in a much better vehicle for a change, a cabu cabu (haha lagosians know what am talking about) and as fate would have it(but thinking of it now it wasn’t just fate having it, i’d like to think it was preordained) I heard the same sweet voice and at that point I knew what I had to do, I knew the right thing to do and I wasn’t going to let that moment pass me.So I finally voiced out “Ms Okoafor??” and then she turned way my looking quite confused(I didn’t really blame her, i mean its not everyday a stranger calls your name in public). So I said “Its me ma Onyinye Obi_Obasi” and that finally hit *big smiles*. She was so elated to see me, I was personally surprised at the way she responded…(thinking about it now at the moment I have this stupid smile on my face*rme* LOL!!)We talked a lot and reminicised a whole lot more. When she asked if I was still as good at french as I used to be, I zoned out….ROTFL…My ambition of being a french linguist had been abandoned along the way somehow I really don’t know…hehe…but I think I just might pick it up! I had such an amazing time with her that it almost got really emotional when I got to my stop…It felt like a huge load had been lifted up from my chest and i could literally walk on sun shine at that point!

Then it hit me…everyday we wake up,its almost like we’ve been born again. What happened the day before ceases to exist, because its gone. You cant bring it back…but a new day gives u the chance to take a fresh look at things, redo your choices and even make better ones(something i’d like to call every day resolutions :D). Like having second chances given to you every single day of your life by the Creator. There’s no such thing as”its too late”….infact I think its only to late when we say it is.So the question now is… WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?????

IT WILL COME TO YOU……EVENTUALLY

Not so long ago, when i was a whole lot younger, I had a little(more than just a little actually) conflict of self. What was the matter you ask?? simple, I didn’t think i was developing(physically of course)the right way. I was sure there was something wrong with me…You see, most of my mates were already on their way, wearing really nice and colourful bras, while the only thing I could boast of was a plain sports bra, or what is called “bra top”. And because of that i felt I wasn’t getting any attention from the opposite sex…*sighs* There was this time(it happened a couple of times actually), I was taking a walk with one of my “overly developed friends”Olive…(i say that because looking back now, they actually were for their ages), we heard cat calls and excited I turned asked”are u talking to me???” but the dude laughed and said”no the other one” which was my friend….i know right!! It was soooo embarrasing like you have no idea. At that point the only thing i wanted was to disappear into thin air!
I remember my brother(can u imagine that??)and his friends would constantly tease and mock me, comparing me to my other friends, telling me that i would always remain as flat as a wall..they would call me names like paper and tanker (well u know tankers dont have defined shapes and forms), and i would always try to defend myself saying that people are different and have different bodies and that i was only passing through a phase..HA!! funny thing is that it always seemed like i was trying to convince myself even more than I was doing to them, because deep down within me, there was always that voice that asked “when??”…When will i blossom like a beautiful flower? when will i be able to wear a real bra? when will i walk pass a group of guys and hear whistles? when will i come into my own?….I never really got any answer so in my own naiive way i thought i’d put in some efforts to hasten the whole process, you know put a little pep in nature’s turtle like steps…hehe…wait for it….. I would stuff strips of tissues and foams into an oversized bra to make my minature  tits look really big!! LOL!! That one wasnt enough ooo…I would also wear shorts, when i talk of shorts i mean hard core jean shorts underneath whatever I wore (trousers not exempted), to make it seem like i had fuller hips and butt *rolling on the floor laughing*.I never went anywhere outside my house without padding myself to the fullest. Anyways the downside of it all  is that, i never really felt that happiness or fulfillment i thought i would feel with the outcome. I always felt like something was not right,if it wasn’t the whole bra padding attempting to fall out sometimes, then it was the under shorts getting itchy and uncomfortable….
To cut this not quite long story short, I decided to let go and allow things come along the right way. I stopped getting depressed over my looks and began to love and accept myself instead. Over time nature took its due course and the rest they say is history.. I have had( and still have to) literally runaway from attention, uhuh! that attention i thought was the antidote to all my sorrows….. And as for the people that mocked me at that time, well lets just say they got to eat their own words and always have awe struck looks on their faces whenever they see me!!PRAAAA!!!(yes i do mean to sound cocky LOL!!)
       Everything has its own timing as the Holy book says. There is a process, a plan, a particular way that has been preordained. It may not sync well with your own way, but its definitely the best and surest way. Now you might not have the same story i do,but i believe its relatable  on all grounds. Whatever is yours will definitely come to you. It might take a very long time in coming and a lot of waiting would be required, Infact! i think the waiting is the hardest part, because you never know how long it would take, so you would(that’s if u haven’t already) try to make things work yourself. In your head putting your power into it would accelerate the whole process till you realize that doing that will only make u even more miserable and the only results you get are dead ends….
My take on this?? relax, sit back and watch things come together for your own good. I know its easier said than done, but u will find the will to do so because whatever has been predestined to be yours will be yours and there’s nothing that can change or thwart it. And when the right time comes you will know ‘cos  will be no stopping you…:D

LIFE IS A RUNWAY….

LIFE IS A RUNWAY….
Taking a walk one beautiful morning, an amused looking guy walked up to me and said “you always walk like you are on a runway”.
Shocked that I had been watched all that while, I turned and replied”life it self is a runway…”.The guy walked away looking
looking more confuse than he did before he approached me, I couldn’t blame him though because i still don’t understand how andImage
where that answer had come from(laughs)
But come to think of it life really is a runway…Its like in a fashion show, there are all sorts of people. There’s the fashion designer,
who’s sole purpose is to create from his/her imagination something really beautiful and attractive. Then the model, who’s part is to
exhibit that particular work in such a way that it would be alluring and appealing to the public or audience whichever. Come in the group of people
that are there to appreciate the work, they are fascinated and impressed by it and are also very excited to have any connection to it. Next in are the critics.
Now this group of people by their name is self explanatory. Their  main objective is to ridicule and make rubbish of the work, nothing
pleases them. They dont care about the amount of time and effort that had been put in by the designer, they would go to any length to make the show itself a disaster!
Last but not the least is the “i dont care ” sort, you know people that are there to fill up space and eat all the food(rolling my eyes).These ones are indifferent as to whatever is going on, they are neither here not
there. Whether the work turns out a success or not has nothing to do with them.
What exactly am i saying in essence u may ask?(wait for it….) You as a human, have been created and designed fearfully, wonderfully, with loads of potentials
and in life there are people that would love to  see you become a force to reckon with,they would even do anything to help make you succeed. While there are others
that wont rest until they see your downfall, infact that would be their utmost pleasure. There are also others who dont care, whether you fail or succeed or
is your problem not theirs, they just watch…… But you wanna know the most important and probably the best part of all these ?? its YOU, yes YOU! the WORK
You are what you say you are, what you decide you are. No one else has the right to make to you live a successful and happy life.
You are all that matters, because at the end in a fashion show the work sells it self……
SO WALK AND STRUT YOUR WAY TO THE TOP I’D SAY!!!!

“Look at all the leaves in the fire, they are burning all in your mind (it is)
All in your mind”……

Have u ever wondered  how some of the the things that  plague us especially in our personal lives are really nothing but figments of our own imaginations….we probably conceived those issues, nurtured and groomed them to the point where they are even bigger than us and seem like they cant be redeemed or salvaged. The most uncanny thing is that all these happen IN OUR MINDS. These issues may not even be as bogus but we escalate them and make them seem that way IN OUR MINDS…… You have to let go!!live!! truly live… Life is really what we make it…Its until we get hold of these little simple truths and let them sink, that we experience what true freedom really is…Now I don’t know about you but i want to discover and revel in it and I’d like to think am on my way to doing so*winks* Are you???

I’m BACK!!i think….

So i havent been on here since i opened this blog…why u may ask??beats me too…the whole essence and point of having a blog is to be able to write about stuff, share your thoughts about this et that, basically bare  all yea?but for some reasons its kinda difficult for me…maybe if i stopped taking it serious like some JAMB exam!!it wont be so bad u know??*sighs*i need some inspiration of some sorts, i wish a light bulb would come on in my head, then i would probably eat the bulb it self just as depicted in cartoons(Tom&Jerry to be precise)…LOL!!

But come to think of it really, why cant life be as easy and not so complicated as it seems in cartoons..In cartoons what you see is what you get. The bad guy is the bad guy, no need sneaking around trying to be the hero and turn out to be worse than lucifer… I mean its far more easier to live in that kind of world than in real life..don t get me wrong, am not some out of touch, unrealistic weirdo who always seems to be in her own cocoon of self-banishment(even though most people around me think so…hehe), i just feel that way you know. Its not like i have been given enough reason not to think that way or feel that way..Oh well!! back to the matter that brought up all this*rme* I NEED IDEAS!!!!

A clueless start…….

*clears throat*…ATTENTION! this is officially my first post..yaaay!!!??? I’m not so good at this sort of thing you know, but i’m hoping i would get better at it….Now I don’t promise to be very consistent infact, consistency is very alien to me SOMETIMES is not one of my strong points. But trust me when i say u would love me no matter what,I mean whats there not to love about me??? LOL!!kidding!…err so I have nothing left to say*sighs*#Ok Bye!